My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
