Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Randomize
