i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
