It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
