he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
