he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
