I accidentally had phone sex last night
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
