I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
