You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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