Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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