I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
