It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
