just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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