Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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