Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
