I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
