she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead