Texts From Last Night

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  (343): View more from Ontario

  No awkward lesbian experiences without me

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  (343): No awkward lesbian experiences without me http://tfl.nu/e0c3
  Replies (3) Good night (1435) Bad night (660)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.

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  (214): Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent. http://tfl.nu/dqjd
  Replies (36) Good night (6206) Bad night (581)
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  (650): View more from California

  after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you

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  (650): after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you http://tfl.nu/blf7
  Replies (38) Good night (9987) Bad night (772)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.

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  (262): we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat. http://tfl.nu/5cls
  Replies (5) Good night (5617) Bad night (811)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..

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  (570): Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." .. http://tfl.nu/4q08
  Replies (2) Good night (2420) Bad night (952)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS

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  (203): WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS http://tfl.nu/964x
  Replies (9) Good night (1665) Bad night (601)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly

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  (773): Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly http://tfl.nu/8cgf
  Replies (3) Good night (547) Bad night (931)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.

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  (615): Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy. http://tfl.nu/d7gm
  Replies (3) Good night (525) Bad night (1141)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.

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  (602): When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises. http://tfl.nu/mg1c
  Replies (6) Good night (1113) Bad night (419)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  I seemed to have misplaced my pants...

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  (540): Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?.... (1-540): I seemed to have misplaced my pants... http://tfl.nu/s4v6
  Replies (5) Good night (1047) Bad night (361)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.

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  (971): Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here. http://tfl.nu/bude
  Replies (2) Good night (847) Bad night (301)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.

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  (306): I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee. http://tfl.nu/xuxq
  Replies (1) Good night (734) Bad night (311)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!

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  (832): DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!! http://tfl.nu/pv1p
  Replies (1) Good night (299) Bad night (704)
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  (310): View more from California

  I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks

  (310): View more from California

  Like what do you want from me

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  (310): I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks (310): Like what do you want from me http://tfl.nu/m7w4
  Replies (4) Good night (569) Bad night (282)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.

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  (303): I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night. http://tfl.nu/4kzv
  Replies (1) Good night (592) Bad night (304)

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