you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter