Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.