Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(419): View more from Ohio

I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids

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(419): I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids http://tfl.nu/0arl

Replies (11) Good night (984) Bad night (1173)
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(925): View more from California

"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.

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(925): "Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God. http://tfl.nu/18zl

Replies (23) Good night (1378) Bad night (1188)
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(816): View more from Missouri

Are you guys doing anything tonight?

(859): View more from Kentucky

Krysta

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(816): Are you guys doing anything tonight? (859): Krysta http://tfl.nu/28qy

Replies (9) Good night (1976) Bad night (504)
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(308): View more from Nebraska

I think i sorta joined a cult last night

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(308): I think i sorta joined a cult last night http://tfl.nu/1gad

Replies (6) Good night (1895) Bad night (1274)
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(317): View more from Indiana

So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?

(1-317): View more from Indiana

Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.

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(317): So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights? (1-317): Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude. http://tfl.nu/pkhp

Replies (16) Good night (840) Bad night (3759)
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(616): View more from Michigan

Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?

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(616): Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by? http://tfl.nu/1ke1

Replies (28) Good night (1609) Bad night (7787)
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(937): View more from Ohio

I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.

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(937): I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him. http://tfl.nu/k4ub

Replies (21) Good night (4021) Bad night (1777)
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(217): View more from Illinois

who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?

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(217): who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo? http://tfl.nu/900o

Replies (4) Good night (2206) Bad night (810)
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(917): View more from New York City

will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?

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(917): will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight? http://tfl.nu/ex8f

Replies (3) Good night (1168) Bad night (527)
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(917): View more from New York City

Anderson Cooper just came out.

(212): View more from New York

Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.

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(917): Anderson Cooper just came out. (212): Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor. http://tfl.nu/cxy2

Replies (5) Good night (1512) Bad night (872)
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(330): View more from Ohio

I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.

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(330): I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one. http://tfl.nu/be90

Replies (3) Good night (524) Bad night (1304)
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(506): View more from New Brunswick

Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.

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(506): Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home. http://tfl.nu/evwu

Replies (9) Good night (734) Bad night (344)
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(817): View more from Texas

Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina

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(817): Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina http://tfl.nu/3njj

Replies (5) Good night (321) Bad night (649)
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(917): View more from New York City

Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms

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(917): Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms http://tfl.nu/vk6t

Replies (5) Good night (858) Bad night (310)
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(848): View more from New Jersey

We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.

(848): View more from New Jersey

A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.

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(848): We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples. (848): A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck. http://tfl.nu/35ft

Replies (3) Good night (1306) Bad night (425)

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