We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
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Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
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Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar