In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win