did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
