Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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