But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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