Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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