did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
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I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
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so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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