The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The air was thick with penises
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
