I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Randomize
