dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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