The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
