if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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