I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
