I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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