I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
