i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
