He disabled his match.com account in front of me
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
