His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
