i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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