I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
