his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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