He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
