I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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