I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
