Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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