My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
