I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize