His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
