Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
