too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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