Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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