A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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