Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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