shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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