bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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