Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
How naked do you want me to be?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
