ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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