Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Why did my mother make you get naked?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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