Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
