she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
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woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
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I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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