I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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