im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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