i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Who died my cat blue again?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
