And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
