you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
