we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Let's get the cat blown out
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
