we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The Olympian is in my bed
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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