i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
