Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
