I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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