so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
