I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
