I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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