I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
