Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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