Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
