yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
